Wishing

When I was little, my grandma used to pat me on my backside or on my thigh repeatedly until I fall asleep. It was her own lullaby, and every single time, I fell asleep without fail. And when I was sick, she'd be all over the place, cooking up soup in the kitchen, or going out to get herbs to cook. When it was my birthday, she'd make a huge deal and throw a huge feast full of scrumptious food. In fact, she did it for all of our birthdays.

Oh, my grandma, she loves me in ways that no one can. And as I type this, I have tears in my eyes. I talk to her on the phone every night, and I would ask about her day, and she would ask about mine. She'd ask if I have homework, and if I do, she would hurry me off to finish it. If I don't have homework, she'd ask me if there's anything good on the television and hurry me off to enjoy it. We would talk about other things, and we'd laugh and we'd giggle.

But it's not the same.

And sometimes I sit on my bed at 2am in the morning wishing that I am with her all the time, that in a blink, I'd be in my hometown. I know it's absurd and stupid of me to wish something like that, but I can't help it. I want to go back to the times when she would wake me up at 5am in the morning, and I would get up and laze around in the family couch. She'd tell me to get up, and I'd go to the bathroom, and she would look at my reflection in the mirror and say, 'What should we do with your hair today?' Then she'd plait my hair, or give me a ponytail, and make me breakfast and my lunch, give me my allowance for the day, and drive me to school.

My grandma is a wonderful person. She has a great personality, and a heart I'm glad I got to know. She helps everyone and always puts other people first before her. I worry about her, being so caring about others, and not enough about herself. I wish I could go back and help her do the dishes for her after dinner every day like I do whenever I go back for a holiday. Help her with the groceries at the markets. Help her in the kitchen. All these things that I'm meant to do, but I don't.